Dispatches
From Japan

By Donna Kollee

August, 2001

(Donna, a popular regular at COWAC conferences for many years, has decided to teach English in Japan. She has promised to keep us informed with regular dispatches.)

Be sure to check out Donna's Latest Dispatch

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WHAT IS JAPAN LIKE?

Well, it is very hot and humid. The sun is shining today which was nice to see because it has been overcast. They drive on the left side of the road here and that takes some getting used to. There is great variety...one minute you will be in a city and the next you are going past a rice paddy. It is both modern and old. The houses are not like what we see here at all and some of the neighbourhoods have very rickety looking fences and homes. You can buy just about anything from beer to rice in vending machines. There is less open space than in Canada, too.

 

WHAT IS YOUR APARTMENT LIKE?

It is much bigger than I thought but that does not mean it is big! I have a kitchen, bathroom, living room, bedroom and the world’s tiniest balcony. The doorways are very low so if I was two inches taller I would be smacking my head on them. I have all the modern toys except that I am having a hard time figuring out how they work because everything on them is written in Japanese. So far I have mastered the toaster oven, the VCR, the stereo, the vacuum and the hardest one so far, the washing machine. The microwave is still beyond me but it looks like it can do more than just microwave. I rather like my little place. The rooms have little raised ledges so at first I was constantly smashing into them with my too-big feet but I’ve learned to watch where I am going.

 

WHAT IS WORK LIKE?

I don’t actually start teaching until the first week in September. Right now it’s lots of orientations and meeting people. We have lots of free time so we are getting to know the city. Later on today we are going on a little trip and tomorrow we are going to a new friend’s place to see the mountain get set on fire. Apparently this has some significance but I don’t know what. When I say WE, I mean the other JET (Japanese Exchange Teacher) I work with. Her name is Nana; she is from the USA and she is really cool. We get along well which is good because we spend lots of time together. She is fluent in Japanese and I am not so she comes in handy. I work out of the Board of Education Office and everyone here is very friendly. We only have to say the word and things get done.

 

WHAT DO YOU EAT?

Being a vegetarian is a little tricky but I’m doing fine so far. The Japanese think I am allergic to meat so they are really nice about finding things for me. I eat tofu (which I happen to like) and rice and vegetables and fruits and pastas. Soybeans are so plentiful here so I eat those, too. Rice comes in so many different varieties...with curry or red beans or in balls or grilled. There is lots of corn around here, too. 7-11 (yes the variety store) is over here and they have a huge selection of food. People usually go there to buy lunch. So I have salads of different kinds and noodles and stir-fries. If you like seafood, this is the place for you. I must admit that seeing all the octopus and squid makes my stomach turn but I’m slowly getting used to it. They even have V8 juice here. I was the happiest, however, to discover Dr. Pepper.

 

HOW DO YOU GET AROUND?

When I am in Oyama, it is on my little bicyclette! We just got new ones yesterday and I love my new bike. It is silver and it comes with a bell, which I can now join everyone else in ringing as I go barreling down the road. There is even a special thing on it that protects your skirt when you ride. I ride everywhere and I actually like it. To get other places, we take the train. The trains are very clean and super efficient.

 

ARE YOU REALLY THE TALLEST PERSON THERE?

It depends on where I am. The younger generation is getting taller but when I am around anyone a little older than me I am at least a head taller.

 

WHAT HAS BEEN THE HARDEST ADJUSTMENT SO FAR?

It starts to get dark around six fifteen or so. That’s hard to get used to. I am suddenly illiterate and that’s hard. If there are pictures I can generally figure things out but not being able to read things is a big change for me. I have to do everything in baby steps. When I can do the simplest thing successfully, like mail a letter or figure an appliance out I am so proud of myself. I guess I am learning patience.

 

WHAT IS THE BEST THING SO FAR?

That’s hard to say. I guess I am learning so much about myself that I didn’t know before. I am stronger than I knew and I can live halfway across the world and still be okay. The kindness of the Japanese is wonderful. I feel very welcome here.

 

HOW CAN I GET AHOLD OF YOU?

Well e-mail is a good way...if you want to send me a letter, my home address is;

Donna Kollee, Mezon Do Shipre 104

2-16-16 Hitotonoya Oyama-shi, Tochigi-ken

T 323-0034

There are over 6,000 people from 30 plus countries involved in this program. One of our jobs is to promote internationalization in Japan. So far we seem to be promoting it within ourselves. I hang out with people from Australia, Ireland, the UK, Scotland, the US and Singapore lately. I knew communicating in English with people from Japan would be tricky but I didn’t know that communicating with people from other English-speaking countries would be a challenge too, sometimes! We all have different terms for the same things and sometimes I have to stop and think what something means in `Canadian`. I had a two-hour conversation with my new friend from Ireland about “The Troubles” the other day. There is a girl here from Lakeshore Secondary School that I used to debate against and my friend Nana also used to do MUN in Hawaii. You were right in saying that COWA trains you to be tough but it also led to me being reasonably well informed about the rest of the world. People are impressed when I can ask them questions about past and present politics.

We’re going to visit our friend Andy who lives by a rice field and is a little lonely. He’s looking for people to play soccer with. Later on this year, I am hosting a Hockey Night In Canada party. I will bring hockey to the world!

Dispatches From Japan Part Two

 

By Donna Kollee

 

            The typhoon is going to hit in a few hours and I need to go buy a few things before it does. Of course it is my luck that this is the first time a typhoon has come so far inland in three years.

            We just finished prefect training. We spent a night in the capital of the prefecture, Utsonimya. We stayed in the smallest hotel rooms in the world. I thought some of the rooms in residence at university were tiny but this place had that beat!

            All 99 JETs (Japan Exchange Teachers) in Tochigi prefecture (which is where I am) had to go to a reception at the Vice-Governors. Nerve racking. I have spoken in front of large groups of people with absolutely no problem before. But take away my ability to speak in English and it is a very trying thing. Bow, say something basic in Japanese, bow again. We got through it all, however and the Vice Governor was honoured to have us.

            We went to Shiobara, which is in the north part of the prefecture yesterday. We stayed in a resort inn in the mountains. It was very beautiful. The mountains here are not like the Rockies, they are soft and lush, like something you would see in Costa Rica. The rains started yesterday because the typhoon is coming. It’s too bad about the rain, because it would have been nice to go exploring around the inn.

            Late last night my friend Brian and I invented a game called `Typhoon Tag` but I don`t advise playing it if you do not like getting soaking wet. Also, the game only works if you are wearing the kimono-ish robe the hotel gave you to wear to the enkai (Japanese party) they threw for you. And it really only works if you have had a few drinks beforehand. You get the picture.

            We came down the mountain today and there was so much flooding. I just got back to Oyama about an hour ago and so far it is just raining here. The rain is warm and it’s not windy (yet). However, I got soaked coming from the station to my office and I am going to be drenched by the time I bike home. Either they have not heard of raincoats in this country or the stores are all sold out of them because I can`t find one. I will keep looking!

            I still can`t get over some of the differences between Japan and Canada. The hardest one for me is their conception of breakfast. I`m a bagel and fruit or maybe cereal kind of person. The Japanese basically serve you dinner for breakfast. Salad, a vegetable, fish, rice, tofu, eggs, something pickled, soup and a bun. When I`m on my own for breakfast I tend to stick to what I`m used to. But when I`m out with others....well, salad, vegetables, rice and tofu it is!

            The office lady (the lady assigned to serve everyone beverages and that really is her title, I am not belittling her or anything) just brought me some sort of whitish lemony beverage. It smells like black licorice and tastes like sambuca, except that it is not alcoholic. I have been trying to find the words to tell her to stop bringing me the sludge they call coffee here. Japanese coffee could eat through metal. She made me this special drink and I am deeply honoured. So I will bow and say “thank you” a hundred times and then thank her again the next time I see her. That is the tradition here. If someone does something nice for you, you are supposed to thank them the next time you see them (after you have thanked them seven hundred times already). It is to show that you are grateful for the kindness you received.

            Well...I should be off to go pick up some stuff for tonight. There are 4 of us JETs in this city who have become friends and we are going to the movies tonight, weather permitting (the theatre isn`t all that far). Its ladies night, so we get in for half price (around ten dollars Canadian instead of twenty). If the weather is too bad we are just going to hang out together and watch movies (one of the guys we know has a DVD player, bless his soul!) so yeah....don`t worry about me, Mom and Dad, I am fine, its just raining here that`s all. I`ll let you know how my first typhoon experience turns out!

Dispatches From Japan Part Three

 

By Donna Kollee

 

 

I am teaching junior high. I rotate between two schools. So from now until the end of October, I am at one called Johnan Chou and from October until January I will be at Mamada Chou. I will switch between them every few months. I also have four elementary schools, which I will visit a few times a month.

Starting next year, English education will become compulsory in elementary schools, so my role in the elementary school is more or less to make the students think English is fun.

In the junior highs I do actual teaching. This week I have had to do my self-introduction about a million times and I will do it a million more over the next two weeks. There are five English teachers in my school known as Japanese teachers of English (JTE). I work with them to get these kids all fired up about English. The JTE`s have different styles of teaching. For some of the classes I can make up the majority of the lesson plan myself. One of the teachers writes out a script of what he wants me to say. Another one likes to stop by my desk five minutes before class and ask if I have a game that teaches how to use a grammar point from the text. They are all very nice and so happy to have me here. Because English is my first language, they are a little shy around me. 

There is a huge emphasis on grammar and writing in English education. Many adults can understand if you write something but they can’t understand you when you speak. This is why I am here. I am supposed to get the kids talking and using the language. They start taking it in grade seven, so they are not superstars with English yet. The kids can say hello, ask me how I am, tell me they are fine and tell me their name. They can also ask what mine is. Some are better and we can get a little further along. The ninth graders are able to make complex sentences. Progress, not perfection. We’ll get them chattering soon.

Being an English teacher is like being a celebrity in my school. The students follow my every move through the hallways. They come up, shyly trying to introduce themselves. They elbow their friends and giggle. Oh, do they giggle. All the time. You ask a question and they just laugh. It is how they show nervousness. When you ask them questions, they must first consult with everyone around them before answering, even if the question is `what is your name`. This is partly because the Japanese value consensus and the group and partly because they are so afraid to make a mistake. But they are adorable and I don’t mind it. I walk down the halls and wave and stop and chat, feeling like the Queen Mother.

When it is time for class, two students come into the staff room to fetch the teacher. The students stay in the same room all day and the teachers come to them. So I get these very nervous kids coming over to my desk, bowing and staring at the floor. If they are girls, they will look up and get the words out. The boys, however, mumble and push each other. It must be a universal message they are told to say, because each one says the same thing: `Miss Donna, please come to class`. And they escort me to the class. Its kind of fun. I eat with different classes at lunch, so I get kids coming with trays of food, inviting me to come and eat.

Let us talk about the lunch. The Japanese government provides lunch for the children. My head teacher wants me to eat with the students as a way to get to know them. This is fine except that the lunches are not. For example, yesterday’s lunch was beef curry, vegetable and bacon soup, cheese buns, boiled potatoes and milk. If you know me at all, you know that that is my definition of a lunch from hell. Today we had steamed rice, veggie and beef stir-fry, these pork dumpling things, tangerines and milk. I was with a grade eight class and I was extremely popular with the boys because I ate the rice and tangerine and gave away everything else. I just bring along my real lunch and use the lunch period as a time to hang out with the students. The staff thinks that my meat fish chicken and pork allergy is a real shame. I am just happy that they don’t bother me about not eating all that garbage.

I have 640 students right now. I’ve met so many of them. The kids tell me their names, thinking I will remember them. First of all, there are 640 names. Second of all their names are unintelligible to me, especially the five syllable ones. So when they ask me what their name is, I call the boys Ichiro (if you don’t know who Ichiro is, he’s a Japanese baseball player making it big in America and a huge source of pride) and I call the girls Kitty-chan, which is another name for Hello Kitty. They think that is absolutely hilarious.

I also have a special needs class. These kids are fantastic. They are not as shy as their peers and they seem to be able to speak more English. I have one guy who comes running down the hall every morning, yelling good morning to me. He gives me a high five, does a dance and tells me he is fine. He just makes my day; he is so cute.

My self intro is coming along nicely. I make mistakes on purpose to show the kids that anyone can make a mistake. I hold up a picture of Amanda and tell the students that this is my sister and she is hyaku years old. Hyaku means one hundred. So they stare at me and laugh. I get them to tell me what the right number is in Japanese. Their favourite picture is of Max. They like to tell me about their dogs, too. I also tell them that I am in love with Ichiro. This is also a source of amusement and the boys in the baseball club think that makes THEM cool. So very slowly, I am making progress. These kids are so shy that it takes patience.

Tomorrow we are talking about festivals in one of my classes. I am having fun with it and I am so glad to be here. I hope everyone is well wherever you are...we had another earthquake last night at midnight.  I was so scared....they are not big ones but it is still so strange to feel the floor shaking. I think I set the record for the fastest dash to the doorway!

Dispatches From Japan: Part Four

 

By Donna Kollee

 

FIRST OF ALL...I absolutely cannot BELIEVE what is going on in the USA. How does something like this happen? What kind of terrorist group has the resources to plan such an attack? How can at least three separate planes get hijacked like that? I am stunned beyond words and more than a little scared for the ramifications that will surely follow. The US does not negotiate with terrorists and I am sure the retaliation will be severe. The effects of this will no doubt create significant changes within the US.

I saw everything happen live on TV. The bilingual news is only on at 7 and 10 pm here. This all started right before the 10 pm newscast so I was able to get an English version of what was going on. The problem is that I was getting it third-hand...the Japanese TV people were translating and then the English translation was happening. They had to explain the significance of the World Trade Centre to the Japanese people and a few other things that I already knew about so I was getting impatient to know WHAT happened. At first the Japanese were very concerned about their banks and nationals in the area. Now they are looking with interest at what is going on. I can just imagine how things are at home and I really wish I had access to the news stations there so I could get more than one perspective. I have never felt so far from home before, watching all this happen and waiting for the translators to catch up. As soon as it happened, my phone starting ringing. All the JETs were calling each other.

I cannot believe this...it’s like something out of a movie. Seeing the World Trade Centre collapse was absolutely frightening. Let us hope that cool heads prevail and an eye-for-an-eye attitude does not emerge, leading to an escalation.

Okay, with reluctance I change the subject...The typhoon was fine. As I am not near a river or a mountain or the coast, I was okay. It rained and it was windy but I would take that any day over an earthquake. Earthquakes scare me beyond words. Typhoons do not. Another one is en route apparently but it will take some time to get here.

Today was my first elementary school visit. If you ever need to feel like royalty, come to Japan and visit an elementary school. The teachers fussed over me like I was the Queen of Sheba. They all came and introduced themselves and we played a lovely game of bow tag. Every time I left the staff room there was a cup of tea (or a glass of ice tea) waiting for me when I returned (luckily the cups are so small because I had about 8 of them). They kept trying to push cake on me and were concerned that everything was to my liking. The students were fantastic. First of all, every class clapped when I came in. How is that for an ego boost? They were so excited and ready to get right into things. I had their attention no matter what I did.

I taught first, fourth, fifth and sixth grade today. One class made up a song for me. They also made me what appear to be bookmarks and gave me a crown (I AM a princess, after all!). The first graders were keen to play and hang out. When I left the class, I felt like I was in a scene from the Wizard of Oz. I was walking away saying goodbye and all these little munchkins (they were so tiny!) were running after me, yelling “goodbye! goodbye!” It was so cute. And then one of the first graders bit me on the butt. I am not sure what brought that on but I was definitely surprised.

My other classes went really well. I really like elementary school because they are just so excited and will do whatever you say. They are exhausting, however. I was constantly running about, entertaining and making them laugh. I cannot wait to go back again! I think I surprised the staff because I wanted to go outside to play with the kids at lunch (its a little over 30 degrees today and humid). There was this HUGE jungle gym I had my eye on. After we ate (gross Japanese government lunch again!) I was outside, on the top of the jungle gym with a bunch of first, second and third grade boys playing some incomprehensible game that involved running around the bars, trying to avoid a kid on the ground who was throwing a ball up at us. It was when I looked down and realized that if I fell I could definitely break something that I realized I am not that age anymore.

The teachers wanted their students to practice shaking hands, so I must have shook about 200 little hands. When it was time to leave I felt like I was a candidate campaigning in a midget town. Make a speech, wave, shake hands, get hustled along to my next event...You know the drill.

 

 

Dispatches From Japan Part Five

 

By Donna Kollee

 

            Well, today is the start of a new week, bringing with it two typhoons and my first elementary school visit. I thought the typhoons would be minor and the elementary school would be major work but it turns out I am wrong.

            I was leaving for school this morning when I scared my supervisor out of his pants. I came outside just as he was turning the corner to come knock on my door. I don’t know which one of us was more surprised to see the other. It turns out that this typhoon could be stronger than the last one and he didn’t think it was safe for me to ride to school. That’s fine with me...he dropped me off this morning and will pick me up after school. This way I stay dry and I don’t have to worry about being blown away on the way home tonight. Its raining now and it is just a little windy. I have my doubts that this will actually be anything major but what do I know? I think its like when they forecast a dumping of snow and all we get is a few centimeters. But I could be very wrong.

            I just received a fax from the elementary school I am visiting this week. They have done my lesson plan for me, which is good/bad. It’s good because all I have to do is show up at the school on Wednesday. It is bad because some of the activities include singing Bingo, the Head and Shoulders song and You Are My Sunshine. I know that I AM a singing superstar but I prefer to confine my concerts to the shower...Also, I am engaging in some activity called Smile Time. This sounds highly suspicious to me. Do we practice smiling? What is that all about? I have visions of being forced to smile for the children...We shall see what happens. The fax sheet is hilarious. During lunchtime I will be eating with the fourth graders. Later in the day we are playing Symon says. I love the spelling! Everything I get from the schools has my full name on it and the teachers try to call me that. I have to always explain that just Donna is just fine with me. They like my middle name because it sounds Japanese to them.

            I was supposed to hang out with the Badminton Club tonight but this alleged typhoon has led to a change of plans. I have managed to get most of the kids to greet me in English now. There are some who come running up to me in the morning to have practice English conversation (as they say). I just taught an eighth grade class. I was impressed by how many of the boys were asking questions today until I realized that these boys were trying to look down my shirt. It’s nice to know that thirteen and fourteen year old boys are all the same, regardless of what country they are in.

I sang the ABC song twelve times with the ninth graders on Friday during cleaning time. It has become very popular. Cleaning time is an interesting time of day. There are no janitors in Japanese schools so the staff and students must clean. At three thirty we put bandanas on our heads and line up in the halls for cleaning time. Some sort of announcement is made, everyone bows and the cleaning starts. Muzak is played during this time. It is always the same songs, just in a different order. “Mrs. Robinson” by Simon and Garfunkel is my personal favourite. The cleaning ends, everyone bows and returns to class. This takes fifteen minutes. It is so efficient that the entire school is done...garbage emptied, floors swept and washed, windows cleaned, the whole works. I am not required to participate but I do because it is a great way to hang out with the students. Some days I just pretend to participate and other days I am right in there with them. It all depends on how I feel and what I’m wearing.

            I love this whole indoor/outdoor shoe thing. As soon as you come into school, you change into your indoor shoes. The Japanese make a big distinction between inside and out. The students have special shoes that go with their uniforms, but the staff can wear whatever they like. Some people wear slippers or flip-flops or nice shoes. I wear my Birkenstocks and let me tell you, it is so nice to be comfortable while you are teaching. It looks crazy, Birkenstocks with a dress or a suit or nice pants or whatever but I fit in with everyone else and my feet are comfortable. Nana wears slippers when she teaches and she tells me it is more relaxing that way. I wish we did this in Canada. People would be so much happier if they could wear their nice but uncomfortable shoes in public and slip into something comfy at work.

            Well, I have to get ready for my next class...Also, I should practice my smile so that I am ready for Smile Time on Wednesday. I really hope it isn’t a time to force the children into smiling...don’t worry; you will get the answer to what it is once I know.

 

Dispatches From Japan Part six

 

By Donna Kollee

 

Hello everyone!

Another week begins here in Japan...let us hope that this week brings good news for all those families in New York. Let us also hope that world leaders choose their moves carefully before setting us onto a collision course with war and disaster. These are suddenly very scary times.

And now for a few lighter notes...

Today is a day where I am all over the place. I ate the most disgusting vegetables I have ever had the misfortune of putting into my mouth last night. I LOVE vegetables normally. My diet is primarily vegetables. So if the vegetarian labels them as disgusting, they must be really truly horrible. I was not impressed and I think that is why I am in a current “I hate Japanese food” mood. Also, the school lunch was NOTHING to write home about yet again...every single one of you should go out for a slice of pizza today. Eat it for me. Mmmm...pizza....

I had my first experience with a disobedient class this morning. I think I got the badass seventh grade class. They were driving me wild and I came so close to loosing my patience with them. The Japanese teacher I was teaching with has no control over these kids. She is such a nice lady, but she’s all of five feet tall (if that) and she talks like that really short black police officer from the Police Academy movies...but a Japanese version of that. So the kids were all over the place, nobody is doing what they are supposed to and I am turning into Mean Donna because I am frustrated. So I am reading vocab words to them and I start going faster and faster, partly just to torture them. They think its a game and the next thing I know, I’ve won them over. Soon I’ve got them mooing the “m” sound and reading out loud. It’s the weirdest things that get these kids on board. I never know what will work, but once it does, it saves the class. I ended up eating lunch with this class and a group of girls traded me their bean sprouts for my mystery-meat-and-vegetable-casserole. In the end, the badass class turned out not to be so bad.

I was hanging out outside after lunch with the students. I think today was the day all the weird kids decided to spend some quality time with me. Its funny how kids are the same, no matter where you go. The poindexter crowd was standing to my right, Band-Aids on their faces and arms, pants pulled up too high, notebooks in hand, racing paper airplanes. Some would take notes about flight trajectory, while others just observed. There were a few strange ones who must have been the paste-eaters in kindergarten...wandering around, talking to themselves, eating dirt, unable or unwilling to socialize with anyone. I had a chronic nose-picker come up and say hello and it made me want to be sick.

That’s something else...the Japanese find it rude to walk and eat or drink, to open a door with your foot, to put your hands in your pockets, blow your nose in public, enter a room without excusing yourself or to sit on the edges of desks and tables. Yet it’s perfectly fine to spit (the loud kind) in public, to stop your car, get out and go to the bathroom at the side of the road (only if you are a man, however), to pick your nose in public, to push and shove strangers when you are in a crowd and to chew with your mouth open. I don’t get it...My worst offense is the whole walking and eating thing. I can’t break myself of the habit. It seems pointless to stand still and eat when you could be eating AND getting somewhere at the same time.

 

Dispatches From Japan Part Seven

By Donna Kollee

 

Today is an absolutely beautiful day. Its warm and the sun is actually shining. It is usually cloudy most days so when you can see blue skies and sunshine everyone is a little happier around here.

I made my greatest discovery yet! I am so proud of myself for this, but all I did was happen to look in a different section of the grocery store. I had found this wholesale store a few weeks ago. It has a small import/foreign food section with foods from Canada. I thought finding applesauce was the greatest thing until I was there the other day. I was looking for frozen vegetables when I spotted(fanfare, please!) BAGELS!!!!!! Yes, oh yes, bagels! You have no idea what a marvelous discovery this was! Blueberry, plain, even whole wheat...I was in absolute heaven...Most of the bread here contains pork fat so I have been unable to enjoy my morning toast. Most stores do not sell bagels, either. So the sight of these fresh, pork-fat free CANADIAN bagels made me want to dance in the middle of the aisle. The fact that they are around $ 3.25 Canadian for six will not prevent me from making the most of them!

Things are going well here, I suppose...I have my ups and downs but I think that is about par for the course. It is really hard to get to know the teachers at my school. They are so shy and reserved. At the Board of Education office I am spoiled. Everyone talks to us and they have taken to calling me Donna-chan. Apparently, parents and relatives call their children `chan` and it is a special sign of affection. At school, they call me Donna-san...its just not the same. I have my welcome party on Thursday and I think things will change after that. The Japanese tend to cut loose at these things.

I still hate the Japanese school lunch. Today we had a special treat...orange juice! As nice as that was, it didn`t change my feelings about it. From the time I was in first grade until my last day of high school I brought my own lunch, packed just for me by my mother. Even when it was cool to buy your lunch I still brought one of Irene`s special lunches. I had no idea how much I would miss that one day. I do not like the lack of choice in the lunches here...and there`s no special note from home included with it! (oh, Mom, I wish you could move here and pack me a lunch everyday. You have no idea how happy that would make me! Thank you for all those lunches you did make me!) I think that is my biggest complaint about school. Revolting, meat laden lunches that look incredibly unappetizing...

But things can`t always be perfect, right? I am so lucky to have a million other good things that I can put up with the lunch issue. It’s all good...

I have got to share some excerpts from papers with you. I was marking an assignment given to the students for their summer vacation. They had to write a paper about whatever they wanted, as long as it was in English. The marking scheme is crazy, though. If they wrote more than 150 words, they get an A. 100 words equals a B and so on. The teacher doesn`t really care about what the papers SAY, so long as they are long. This was not an assignment I gave, just one I have to mark. So I have been making corrections and attempting to go along with this marking scheme. I think some of the students just wrote sections of the textbook out to make the length requirement. Sneaky....anyway, here are some quotes, in the actual, unedited words of the students:

*Now, I can speak English a little, I become a very delightful feeling. When the foreigner is in trouble, supposing I am helped, it will be wonderful* *English is spoken all over the world and it is an official language. So, we can`t go to the foreign country without speaking English* *I said `oh my Gat, why I have dierhea. I looked a black cat`. Ouch in toilet. I look magic.* *My dream is to become a lawyer. If `why` someone ask me. I will said, `be in troble people is support.`* *Then I was sick of accident. We were ate biking. It very taste bad food. We were shocking accident.* *My hoppy is basketball. I like basketball. I like to play basketball. I`m in the basketball club.* (do you think this kid likes basketball?!) (a student writes about going to visit her sister at university in Tokyo) * she said `I became slender, don`t I? I was surprised at it. Because she doesn`t look slender. But I didn`t say anything. My summer vacation started like this.* *I want to travel in all over the Japan. I don`t like all over the world because foreign country is fear impression.* *My hoppy is hair arrenge. I have a special interest in hair cut. And occasionally is my sister was asked to hair arrenge. I think about hair book to study.* *We played game and talk with him. We felt so cheerful that we forgot the passing of time.* *There are a lot of rule in the school. For example, `put on helmet when ride a bike`, `act take only friends`. Another rule, `a traffic rule`, `home rule`, etc.* *Canada is surrounded by a lot of nature. For example the house made of wood, the air is clean. Secondly, Canada has traditional ways build up by Indian. I think it is very mysterious. I am interested in Indian.* *I play some roller coaster. It is very interesting but I am light in the head after.* *Its hot in the sunlight I said `it sunny today. I want straw hat, oh dear!`*

...these are the kids who are in their third year of English, so they are in grade 9...I found them pretty funny but maybe you don`t....

Dispatches From Japan Part Eight

 

By Donna Kollee

Hello to everyone!

Well let me first wish all of you a safe and happy Thanksgiving. I hope your dinners are delicious, your long weekend is enjoyable and that your families do not drive you crazy. My very best wishes to each and every one of you. Remember to count your blessings and not the number of buttons that pop after your big dinners!

We leave for Nagano on Saturday morning. As it will take about four hours, we are meeting at 7 O`CLOCK IN THE MORNING! I will rise, but I won’t be shining! My friend, Andy, called me last night to extol the virtues of Nagano. Apparently we are staying in what he terms `the Japanese Alps`. We are 1600 whatevers above sea level and allegedly some Olympic team trained at the resort we are staying at. The reason we have to leave so early is because the soccer tournament starts at noon and the boys have to be there with enough time to figure out when they are playing. Andy made a half-hearted attempt to convince me to play but once I explained that I have no idea how to play `football` he realized I make a much better cheerleader than a player. I think a good time is in store for us. The boys are vowing victory at any cost, so I will have to report the outcome to you on Tuesday. As for the girls...well, we are vowing hot springs and shopping at any cost. We will take no prisoners in the store! Victory will be ours in souvenirs and soaking mineral baths!

If anyone tells you that you can pick up a foreign language just by immersing yourself and listening very carefully, they are crazy. You will pick up words and phrases but not enough to get by. The reason why I know this is because this is what I was doing. My course through the JET program doesn’t start until December, so I have been learning the alphabets and muddling through on my own. My students are good about teaching me things, but Japanese is not exactly the easiest language to pick up. I had heard there was an excellent Japanese school in Oyama but I had nothing but trouble every time I went to find it. It was rumored to be the best, but very hard. I had been looking for it since my second week here. I had given up on ever finding the school when, through the sheer coincidence that seems to dominate my life recently, someone in my office mentioned that he was going to this school and that it was in his apartment building.

I found the school last night. It is a Kumon Juku, or cram school. Japanese students go to cram school at night to help them learn. It is an intense curriculum with lots of homework. It is also expensive, but worth it if you want to be able to communicate verbally, instead of playing pictionary and charades to get your point across (believe me, I am getting tired of that!). I met the teacher and decided to enroll in the school (hey, nothing but the best for this princess!). So once again, I am a student. I have come to the conclusion that I will never stop being one.

My teacher looks like Ms. Swan from MAD TV. Her Portuguese is better than her English so she tends to speak to me in a mix of English, Portuguese and Japanese. Most of the time I can understand her. If I manage to pick up some Portuguese, I will consider that an added bonus. My lesson with her is two hours long and she keeps things moving quickly. If I can keep up with her pace, by Christmas I should be miles ahead of where I am now. Eventually I will be able to read some classic text in Japanese. In the meantime, we speak and read and read some more. This class is exactly what I need however, as independent study has only gotten me so far. I know two of the alphabets and its fun to read what I can from the signs as I go by. Unfortunately, I have no idea what the words mean. Hopefully my class will remedy that!

Well I should get back to whatever it is I am supposed to be doing. Have a wonderful long weekend, stay safe and take care!

Dispatches From Japan Part Nine

 By Donna Kollee

Hello, hello...

 

Nagano was absolutely wonderful. We were in Nagano Prefecture, but not the actual city itself. We were in a little village about twenty-eight kilometers outside of it. The drive was four hours but it went by so fast because we were treated to some of the most gorgeous scenery I have ever seen. The trees had changed colours (they haven’t yet in Tochigi) so it finally felt like fall was here. The mountains were breathtaking. I just can’t describe how nice it was.

 

We stayed in a ski resort (although I think maybe RESORT is stretching it a little) and were surrounded by hillside and mountains. The soccer games were held at the top of one of the mountains. It was so pastoral. There were cows on the other mountain and greenery and one of the most incredible views I have ever seen. We were up so high that we were actually IN the clouds. That was something else, too. A big cloud rolled in around us and it was so misty/foggy that you couldn’t see very far at all. We couldn’t see the cows, it was so dense, but we sure could hear them. Noisy bovine... Unfortunately, this happened in the middle of a game, and the boys couldn’t see the ball or the field very well at all (well, that’s the excuse they gave for losing that game 6-0). At any rate, I had never been inside a cloud before (aside from while flying) and it was a rather cool experience ( I also mean that literally. We needed our winter jackets!)

 

We had such a great time that in the end it didn’t matter that the boys came in fourth place (out of the five teams in their pool). I haven’t laughed as hard as I did in awhile. I think I am very lucky to have made the friends I have here. Plans are being made to go back again in ski season. On the way home, we stopped at an apple orchard (Nagano is apparently famous for its apples) and picked our own apples. I have never seen apples this big in all my life. And oh my word, so delicious. I can see why Nagano has got a reputation for good apples. These are magnificent and I wish I could send each one of you one to try. Mmmm....

 

I am very excited for tomorrow. I am doing another elementary school visit. Elementary school visits are fantastic but this one has an added element of fantastic-ness...There is a GOAT at the school I am going to. The school has its own pet goat! This is marvelous news, as I absolutely love goats. I am going to see if it will really eat a tin can. There are a few other animals at this school, but I think they are along the chicken-rabbit line. Definitely not as exciting as a real, live goat. And I don’t have to be at school until 0910 hrs. This means that I get to sleep in!(normally I am at school for 0745 hrs or earlier) A goat and a sleep-in! Wow!

Dispatches From Japan Part Ten

 

 By Donna Kollee

 

On Monday Nana and I went to Tokyo Disneyland, which was absolutely wonderful. The last time I was at a Disney park, I was ten; we went on a family vacation to Florida and it was one of our best trips ever. I was very curious to see if the rides would be the same and if they would be like I remembered. I was curious if Disneyland would be like Disneyland or if it would be a Japanese experience.

Tokyo, Disneyland is part of the Disney Resort. There is Disneyland, Disney Sea (just opened a few months ago), the Disney Cruise Line and something else. We decided to just do Disneyland. It is not as big as the Magic Kingdom in Florida, but it is just like how I remembered it looking. It’s a little more posh in some areas, with old Plantation-style restaurants and really elegant storefronts. Also, there is the cutest little restaurant right beside Pirates of the Caribbean. The patio is located inside the ride, right at the beginning. Very cool.

There aren’t as many rides but they seemed to have picked all the best ones. So we did Peter Pan’s flight, Space Mountain (twice!), the Haunted Mansion, Swiss Family Robinson Tree house, Pirates of the Caribbean, the one that goes through the mountain (forget the name), a Star-Wars type ride, Its a Small World, Splash Mountain, this Roger Rabbit car ride thing and something else but I forget what. The rides were just as I remembered, right down to those paintings in the Haunted Mansion. It was like I was ten years old again, except that this time, my family wasn’t there with me. The only odd thing for me was that the rides are often in Japanese...Hearing Zippity-Do-Dah sung in Japanese is something else entirely. I wanted to go to the Bear’s Jamboree because it was my grandfather’s favourite but it was in Japanese. There was a Halloween parade ( I got mobbed by the ghosts in the parade because I stood out amongst all the Japanese...they were dancing around me and shaking my hand and attempting to look scary). We went to the Electric Lights Parade (stunning except that more of my favourite songs were in Japanese) and ended the night with the fantasy fireworks show over Cinderella’s castle. Amazing.

Nana and I had a great time together, but I have come to the conclusion that we could have fun on an iceberg. We egg each other on. It all started the first time we rode Space Mountain. Japanese people don’t really scream and yell on roller coasters the way we do. They tend to go “Woah!” and that’s about it. The goal is to look unimpressed with the ride. So Nana decided we were going to break them. Our first goal was just to get the people in front of us to look back at us. So we were yelling and screaming and barking and just being crazy. We really put all our energy into it, but it was hard because we were killing ourselves laughing. We eventually got the two kids in front of us to turn around and look. They even cracked a smile. On the next roller coaster (we only did this on roller coasters, it’s inappropriate anywhere else) we were in even better form. We got the five cars ahead of us to turn around and all of them were laughing and waving to us. The father and son in front of us tried so hard to maintain a straight face but they just couldn’t. They shook our hands when the ride was over. The absolute best, however, was the second time we rode Space Mountain. The people in front of us were obviously on a first date (what a great place for a first date) and they were a little tense. It didn’t seem like they were having fun. We went over the top just for them. The girl lost it first, and couldn’t stop laughing. The guy tried his hardest but we got him, too. They came off the ride crying, they were laughing so hard. She wished us a happy Halloween.

The other thing we did was a little evil but oh so funny. You know how Disney employees (or “cast members” as they are called) have to be really friendly and polite? When you couple that with the natural Japanese inclination towards uber-politness, bowing and all that, you get these SUPER EMPLOYEES. There are people to greet you as you enter a ride, to thank you for going on the ride, to direct you along the way and to tell you how wonderful it is to see you. Honestly, there are about six attendants for every ride. Someone waves at you as you begin and someone is there to wave and bow as you return. So...it was natural to see how much they could put up with. We decided that our approach would be to see who could be more effusive and polite. We’d start games of bow tag and repeat over and over again “thank you so much, you are the best, this is great, thank you, thank you, thank you.” We’d clap and just get them going. And let me tell you, it was hilarious. They would try to match us bow for bow and thank you for thank you. I had the one guy at Space Mountain really going for a while. He was trying to steer me towards the exit, but I just kept bowing and telling him how great the ride was. The poor guy didn’t know what to do. I know it isn’t all that nice but we wanted to see who would give in first. Sadly, it was always us. They are just too good at expressing thanks and bowing.

Tomorrow is my first day at the new school. There is a welcome ceremony for me Friday morning and a welcome party Friday night. I am glad I don’t have too many of these welcome parties because they are something else. Who would have guessed that the Japanese can party as hard as they do? Certainly not me.

I had an elementary school visit today. I was with a second grade class and I got the weirdest questions of all time from them: “do you brush your teeth in Canada?” “do you have a television?”, “are there cats and fish there?”, “are there Pumas in Canada?” “what do you want most in the world right now?” and my favourite “what does your dog eat?” A sixth grade class did a whole presentation on Canada, but it was not in English. They drew pictures, however. I was surprised to learn that the Mountain Goat and Big Horned Sheep were common animals here, and that we enjoy “mapule” syrup cheesecake and pie. They were so cute however, that I just let it go. After the presentation, the teacher announced it was PRESENT TIME. All the kids lined up and gave me presents! This was a first...I got lots of origami, letters, pictures, flowers, bracelets...you name it. It was so sweet. I am going to put up all the pictures. The teacher is going to send me the Canada presentation pictures after the school festival. I tell you, these elementary school visits will be my downfall. It is so hard not to feel like The Most Important Person In the World when you leave.

 

Dispatches From Japan: Part Eleven

 

 By Donna Kollee

 

            The new school rocks. I’m here until January, so I will definitely make the most of it.

Mamada Chu Junior High School is located in the country. A forest borders one side of it. It is an old school, beautifully landscaped. I love coming here because it feels like I am up north and that chills me out completely. My desk is by the window so I spend the afternoon drenched in sunshine. This also makes me happy. The staff here go out of their way to make sure I am okay and they attempt to keep me in the know about what is going on. The students are excited to have me here, so I feel like Miss America. If I ever become famous, I will have the smile-and-wave part down pat.

            We had the welcome ceremony this morning. There is nothing like watching five hundred kids in perfectly straight lines with immaculate school uniforms all bow to you in unison. I got very nervous when I saw that for some reason. The principal stood up to introduce me and he forgot my name. This confirms my theory that principals are chosen in Japan according to which guy looks like he’s having the most fun. (yes, they all seem to be men) I think I spoke too fast, but they got the point. One of the students made a special welcome speech (in English, what a luxury!) and mercifully, it was all over.

            I came back from teaching a class when I saw a surprise on my desk...the second year (eighth grade) English teacher got his classes to make me welcome cards and he gave me a card thanking me for helping his students practice their speeches yesterday (I honestly had nothing else to do). There were some pink roses, too. It made my day. The cards were so precious... “Miss Dona Koolllee, Welcome!” Such a nice treat, at my last school I don’t think they would have noticed if my head was on fire and I was yelling for water. (Japanese people tend to spell my name the Japanese way “Dona”. Some of my business cards are even spelled like that. I’ve seen it that way so many times that I’ve almost become used to it. When I see two n’s in my name, I become unexpectedly happy.

 

Dispatches From Japan: Part Twelve

 

By Donna Kollee

 

I went to a charity Thanksgiving dinner on Saturday. It was very vegetarian-friendly, so I was in heaven. I made the people at my table say what they were the most thankful for. Family seemed to top most lists, followed closely by friends. It was so nice to eat North American-style food and the dinner was excellent. As I missed having a Canadian Thanksgiving dinner, I was quite happy to celebrate American Thanksgiving.

Yesterday was the Christmas party. It was so fun but so exhausting. There were actually two parties, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. The morning party was for children ages 2-6 and the afternoon one was for 7-14 year olds. Our job was to smile, smile, smile, and play games, sing songs and help Santa give out presents. I absolutely loved the 2-6 year olds. They were so adorable! The older kids were more fun because we had their attention for a longer period of time.

We were acting out a story about Christmas in North America when it became clear that the children didn’t understand what a turkey was. So I did my first, last and only imitation of a turkey. It brought the house down, much to my surprise. My friends were crying because they were laughing so hard. Unfortunately I will never do it again, although it was captured on about fifty camcorders.

I’m afraid that the Japanese do live up to the stereotype. They love to take pictures and record things whenever they can. And when they have children, they seem to go into overdrive so that every parent has a camcorder and at least two cameras. They will snap rolls of film at a time. It’s really funny to watch. As a result, I will be in many different family albums, although I wonder if some of the people even knew my name before taking my picture.

After the party we met for drinks and then headed home. I was so tired I was afraid I was going to fall asleep on the train and miss my stop. The screaming baby beside me prevented that from happening, however. Other than that, it was a fairly mellow weekend...until my new neighbours moved in, that is.

When I moved here, there was nobody in the apartment beside me or above me, which was nice. People moved in upstairs and it sounds like they are wearing lead shoes all the time. BANG! BANG!BANG! above my head, thumping and just general noise to drive me crazy. I don’t know how such small people can be so loud.

On Saturday people moved in next door to me and they are even worse! My room shares a wall with their living room so last night I was treated to the sounds of the sumo match on tv, which they were watching with about two hundred people (okay, a slight exaggeration). The yelling and crashing and the hammering put me in a very cranky mood. I probably sound like a little old lady but it was very noisy and I just wasn’t in the mood for it.

I got the last laugh, however. My alarm clock rings VERY loudly (anyone who has ever lived with me has had to deal with my need for loud alarms and I feel sorry for all of you). It is a loud and scary ring, designed so I will bolt out of bed. And it is set for a few minutes after six in the morning. As some people will recall (especially poor Stacey!), I rarely get up on the first ring, preferring to snooze for a while. None of my neighbours seem to be early risers, so I am sure they appreciate hearing my alarm clock at six in the morning as much as I love their hammering after midnight.

 

Dispatches From Japan: Part Thirteen

 

By Donna Kollee

 

            Well, its the third day of Hanukkah and I hope you are all enjoying the festival of lights...May Hanukkah Harry bring you many gifts...I'll light the menorah in honour of you...

            I was at an elementary school today. I taught 122 first grade students. AT ONCE. It was a blast. I walked into the gym, where they were waiting for me. Applause, waving, cheers...I felt like a total celebrity. It was wild. They gave me a microphone so everyone could hear me...and I just couldn't resist...I've gotten better at being a little more refined and less out there, but you can't be good all the time...sometimes I don't want to set the good example, I just want to be the bad example. So when they handed me the mic, I couldn't help but bust out into a Shingo Mama song.

            Shingo Mama is a member of SMAP, the bad-boy Japanese group. He has launched a successful side career as Shingo Mama, a cross-dressing singer. He advertises everything and is wildly popular. He also sings the catchiest song in the world, "Oh-ha!" ( a short form of oyhayo goziamus, which means good morning). There are gestures, which every Japanese person under 30 knows, and a bit of a dance. I only know the chorus, which is repetition of "oh-ha" but it worked...all the kids joined in! It was so fun!

            Let’s see...what’s been going on here? Well, Saturday night was the JET formal. Nana and I were going to buy new dresses for it but when we realized they would cost over $300 Canadian, we decided to rethink that plan. These weren’t elaborate ball gowns, either...just the kind of dress you would wear to a Christmas party or a formal...Why is everything so expensive here? Ahhh....down but not out, we sat over cups of coffee and tea. Should we be like Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music and make dresses out of our curtains? We remembered that the curtains we have are hideous and more importantly, that neither one of us can sew. Think, think think...what to do? Neither one of us were willing to spend that kind of money on this formal. We DID have something, but both of us thought our dresses too plain for the formal. Then we remembered that nobody remembered Cinderella for her dress, but her shoe instead. We decided to accessorize dresses we already had. If I do say so, I think we looked damn good in the end. It’s amazing what you can do with a little creativity. Long gloves, sparkly jewelry (a beautiful new watch on my wrist courtesy of Dan!), hair up...We arrived looking and feeling great. It was a wonderful night, but it went by much too fast (they always do)

            On Sunday we were with Andy in Nishinasuno. It was a proud day for him, as he finally got his car. Its a Honda Civic and its pretty nice. To celebrate, we went for a drive in the mountains, which by the way, were covered in snow. There is no snow anywhere else (yet) but I guess it had been snowing for two days up there. The fall colours we had been admiring a month ago are now part of a winter wonderland. Nana and Andy thought it was great. I, on the other hand, had flashbacks of last winter. Snow, snow and more snow...It was nice to look at for about five minutes and then I had had enough. At least I’ll have a white Christmas up in the mountains...we drove past the cabin we’re going to for Christmas. There’s an outdoor ice rink and lots of gorgeous scenery. I think it’s going to be a great time.

            Oh! I have to tell you about The Unique Japanese Method of Snow Removal. First of all, they don’t rush to clear out parking lots or public areas, like we do in Canada. It was three in the afternoon and many businesses were just starting to clear their lots. I am not positive, but I don’t think the snowplough has been invented here. I didn’t see one, anyway. Many people were shoveling...some were dumping their snow ONTO THE ROAD while others choose to put them in wheelbarrow-like contraptions. My favourite thing to see, however, was the people who were using their HOSES to melt the snow. They’d blast the water and clear a path. Don’t they realize what happens when you do that?!  Don’t they understand that WATER becomes ICE?! This is not a random thing, either...many, many people use hoses...I just don’t get it. Poor Nana almost slipped in a parking lot that had obviously done this earlier in the day. One more thing for me to worry about in the winter. I have a hard time staying vertical most of the time (I admit I am not the most graceful person). Put me in a nation where people use water to clear snow and I can just see the results...

            Wednesday is my end-of-the-year party with the Board of Education. It’s sort of the equivalent to a Christmas party. It’s going to be a great time. I don’t think I am being invited to the one at my school. They don’t know that I understand the word for end-of-the-year party and also when it is. Its all planned, but I haven’t been asked to go. Not that this is a big deal, as most of the teachers here are older than me, and they are nowhere near as fun as the people at the Board. I think its funny that they think I don’t understand what’s going on. I can’t understand most of what they say, but I sometimes can...

            Well, its time to get back to work. I have to answer all these letters to Santa...The eighth graders have to write to Santa for an assignment...little do they know who `Santa` is, ho, ho, ho... I miss all of you right now and part of me (a big part!) wishes I could be home with you to celebrate Christmas...definitely not the same over here...take care and stay safe and know that I am sending happy wishes your way!

 

            Hello again!

            Dan has retured to Canada (his bags lost by Air Canada and he had quite the adventure getting home.) I just started two weeks of elementary school visits. My schedule is quite easy right now; only two classes a day and then I am finished. However, it has been quite a change since my previous visits. The teachers planned all the lessons and I just showed up and did my thing. The students were in awe of being taught by “An Actual English Speaker”, so it was lovely. Now, we are fully in charge of these classes and the teacher just hangs out. The students have lost their awe and are noisy. The boys are more interested in punching each other than listening to me. We’re all teaching sixth graders and they have developed an attitude. They will be starting junior high school in April (the school year begins in April here, not September) and I think they’re trying to enjoy their last months as the seniors in a school. I am very tired after these classes today. They wore me out. No complaints, it could be so much worse. And it’s a good kind of worn out, so I am okay.

            Apparently Nana and I are participating in some sort of International Festival on the weekend. I do not remember agreeing to do this, but it’ all been arranged. We are supposed to show up with things from our countries to display. The Canada and the US booths will be side by side, which is a good thing. We’re stumped for what to do. So far, the best idea we have come up with is to serve American-style pancakes with Canadian maple syrup. This way people will be too busy eating to ask us questions. Or so we hope.

            Last Saturday, we went to this Indian restaurant that is popular amongst JETs, as a final send-off for Dan. The guy who manages it, JP, likes to seat Japanese people with foreigners, because the Japanese people come in looking to find people to practice their English on. Two girls came up to me and said that because I was Canadian, they would like to learn English from me. I couldn’t say no. One explained how she has no extra money right now, so I told her she could just buy me coffee from Starbucks. Yes, there IS a sucker born every minute. The other girl invited me to come over to her house to try on kimonos. Definitely a very strange invite. I told her to get back to me on that. Sometimes I get tired of strangers wanting someone to teach them English. Nana and I keep meeting people who have heard about us through the Board of Education or have seen us on TV (Oyama Cable) and they want English instruction. It’s like being used. I mean, I would never go up to a Japanese person and say “ah, you are Japanese, please teach me how to make sushi rolls”, but they have no qualms about asking me. Maybe I should start doing that. I might learn the proper way to do things. Or I might offend someone beyond belief.